What’s a Male Mistress?

The other day someone asked me for the male equivalent of “mistress.”

Naturally, I shot back “master,” but that was not the answer. My questioner wanted a word that was the male equivalent of:

woman having sexual relations on a regular basis and being supported by man not her husband

The word that comes closest in meaning is gigolo:

1 : a man living on the earnings of or supported by a woman;
2 : a professional dancing partner or male escort

The film title Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo undermines the use of even this word to mean “male prostitute” by suggesting that a gigolo could be female–as if a man being paid for sexual favors is acting like a woman.

The master/mistress pair is one of many examples of words that were once more or less exact equivalents, but which parted company because of gender-based prejudices that govern the language.

Linguist Julia Penelope located 220 English words meaning “promiscuous woman,” but found only 20 for “promiscuous man.”

Another researcher, Muriel R. Schultz, found 500 slang terms for “prostitute.” She found 65 slang terms for “whoremonger” and “pimp,” but those are words for men who sell women for sexual purposes.

Other words, like “tramp,” differ in meaning according to whether they’re being applied to a man or a woman. Calling a man a tramp is to imply that he lacks a regular job and place of residence. Calling a woman a tramp is to call her a whore.

Originally, master and mistress were equivalent words for persons having control or authority over others. Mistress in the sense of “a woman who employs others or has authority over servants” is from 1426. By 1430 the word had taken on the sense of “kept woman of a married man.”

In some school situations the words are still equivalents as synonyms for “teacher,” but in general usage, if you say “Sally is his mistress,” the meaning is clearly sexual. On the other hand, a sentence such as “Sam is her master,” would be meaningless out of context.

“A lot of ink is spilled over the use of “he” when both men and women are meant, but not a lot of public awareness focuses on habitual use of words like “bitch” on television and in conversation as if they were acceptable synonyms for ‘woman.’”

Words for a promiscuous woman are invariably derogatory, but words for a promiscuous man are frequently perceived as compliments: stud muffin, Romeo, ladies’ man.

The reason for this tendency of feminine words to take on negative, sexual connotations is the cultural attitude that men are human beings for whom sex is only one aspect of their existence, while women cannot be thought of apart from sexual functions.

Here’s an exercise for you:

For the duration of a day or two, try using only the word “woman” or “man” when you wish to refer to one or the other. No dudes, bitches, chicks, jerks, s.o.b.s or the like.

If your intention is to identify the man or the woman as a sexually promiscuous person, use the word promiscuous.

Or, you may want to choose from two word pairs that have managed to hang on to their equivalent connotations for centuries now:

adulterer/adulteress - married person who has sex with person other than legal spouse
fornicator/fornicatress - unmarried person who has sex with other unmarried person

Meanwhile, I suppose the male equivalent of “mistress” in the sense of “kept woman,” must be “kept man.”

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Maeve on May 9, 2008 | Filed Under Expressions

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11 Responses to “What’s a Male Mistress?”

EleanorRigby26 on May 9th, 2008 1:08 pm

This exact problem, however, enabled Flaubert to craft one of my favorite literary lines ever in Madame Bovary: “He was becoming her mistress” The gender role play makes it so much more interesting than if he’d tried to find a masculine equivalent.
Brad K. on May 9th, 2008 1:36 pm

I went to high school at Everly Community High, in Iowa during the 1960’s. The team name was ‘The Cattlefeeders’. Yes, kind of rural. But during basketball season, when you mentioned The Cattlefeeders, you meant the girls team - they had made state champions once, and been to state competitions more than six times in 12 years. When you meant the boy’s team, you said The Cattelfeeders boys team.

You mention using mistress as a figure of authority. I find a similar distinction as back in Everly applies, for me. That is, when I read “mistress” I most often think “mistress of the house” - alluding to a time when a ‘house’ was something a man owned and was master of. That is, mistress was responsible for running her husband’s household - a wife. I think that usage of the term, of a woman running a household, is what evolved into the generic ‘woman in position of authority’, an equivalent to master or sir.

And isn’t mistress the source of the abbreviation ‘mrs.’? At least the abbreviation retains the connotation of co-authority in the household. I note the legal ramifications of marriage, combining the couple’s ability to contract and commit in the name of the household.

As for male mistress where the connotation is kept man, how about boy toy? That implies at least the similar perception of lack of redeeming social value, other than social image or sexual gratification.
Maeve on May 9th, 2008 1:48 pm

Both Mrs. and Miss derive from the word Mistress.

I think “boy toy” is just another cute expression designed to make the man’s behavior appear pleasant and acceptable compared to similar behavior on the part of the woman.
Tracy on May 9th, 2008 2:29 pm

I think the term mantress should catch on for a male mistress.
Barbara Ling on May 9th, 2008 5:46 pm

I vote for “he-wench.”

Barbara
Traci York on May 10th, 2008 1:28 pm

When I got my first domain name, I decided to choose “webmistress@” for my email address, since so many sites I knew of had a similar “webmaster” type addy. I have friends who still tease me that with an email like that, I must have a hidden page for my S&M fetish. However, now that “webmaster” seems to be a blanket term for both males and females who are in charge of websites, I still refuse to change.
Brad K. on May 10th, 2008 3:55 pm

In the new movie “What Happens in Vegas”, Jack uses a name tag at his wife’s company retreat, “Joy’s Bitch”.

I do find it curious that usually ‘mistress’ as a label is derogatory, but Mistress as a form of address is usually a term of respect. “Yes, Mistress.” Sometimes ‘master’ as a label is less than complimentary, but not very often.
Maeve on May 10th, 2008 8:15 pm

Traci,
Sometimes, if enough people do it, a word can be reclaimed by insisting upon one’s own definition.
Regina on May 11th, 2008 8:50 pm

I loved the term ‘mantress’ for a male person of the kept for sexual favors kind, but my male co-worker liked ‘he-wench’. I think mantress better portrays exactly where the man will be performing his ‘duties’.
Tania on May 12th, 2008 9:17 pm

EleanorRigby26 - good comment! Could you point me to the part in Mme Bovary where the line you quote appears? Haven’t read it for a while, and would like to reference the French.