Can anyone help a struggling writer?

[Rio]

I need help. I am writing tennis articles for an upcoming website. Each article averages 200-300 words. I need an experienced writer to be good enough to look at one and tell me if it is acceptable. I had a poor education and am learning from a standing start. The article in question is 250 words and took me an hour to write. I am just so slow, I need to pump out three a day! I can't stop tinkering and recasting sentences.

I would post the article on the forum for everyone to tuck into (or is that in to, always get confused), but I am not sure this would be acceptable to Daniel.

[DanielScocco]

Sure thing, paste it here and we will take a look.

[Rio]

Daniel's agreed that I can post my article in the hope of getting some help from experienced writers. I am thick-skinned and can't be offended, so feel free to be honest.

Children and Tennis Matches (intended for parents)

Just like senior players on the professional tour, junior tennis players are measured by their achievements in tournaments and matches, it's the yardstick for how well they are doing and how good they are. Matches are what the game is all about.

While some children are good at playing matches, some struggle and lack the know-how to succeed. They may have great strokes but just can't get it together when it comes to playing points, either because they lack the 'match player mentality', or just get nervous when things get tight. Nerves can be damaging to a player, thoughts become unclear and perspective gets lost. Having a crystal clear mind is essential when playing the big points.

For others, playing matches comes easier. These types tend to have a native sense of what to do and when, and know how to construct good rallies and implement basic strategies. They know how to win. Children that don't have this inbuilt tennis mentality - and there are many - have to learn it, and the best way to do that is by playing tournaments. Experience is the best teacher. This is especially true for players who suffer from nerves and panic on the big points. Repeated exposure to big-point scenarios helps to desensitize children so gradually they learn how to deal with nerves and control panic.

As a parent you need to be patient, it can take a long time to develop a good, match-playing mentality in a child, but it's worth it.

[susabelle]

Hmm. First off, I can't figure out what your thesis statement is. For a short article, you need a very concise thesis statement and you need to stick exactly on that topic as you write. I had the feeling you were moving all over the place.

Also, you tend to make a lot of sentence/comma splices. Remember that if it is a complete sentence, it needs a period before the next sentence. You can only join complete sentences with and/but/or or a semi-colon, but never a comma alone.

[Rio]

Thanks Susabelle.

I know I have to keep working on the basics. Sometimes I can't see when a sentence has ended.

The article is aimed at a reasonably knowlegdable tennis audience and is about:

1. The importance of matches to determine how good you are.

2. Why some kids aren't as good as others and what the differences are.

3. The need to play many matches in order to improve.

I never felt I was moving around as much as you say. Maybe I am trying to pack too much in to 250 word article.

Thanks again. I am desperate to improve and appreciate your comments.

[DanielScocco]

I agree with Susabelle. You need to make your point clearly right on the beginning.

Sum up what the article is about in the first sentence, and then build your arguments to back that statement.

Careful with the punctuation, is the main problem right now. Here is an example:

"Just like senior players on the professional tour, junior tennis players are measured by their achievements in tournaments and matches, it's the yardstick for how well they are doing and how good they are."

The first comma is right, but the second one is not. You need a period there. Or at least a semi-colon.

Check our punctuation articles here: http://www.dailywritingtips.com/category/punctuation/

[Rio]

Thanks for the help, Daniel. I have fixed the splices and am working on a good opening sentence. What I am aiming to do is quite specific and specialized. I need to get good at churning out 200-300 word articles. I have bought the books you recommended in one of your posts called "A Writers Bookshelf", which I am finding very useful. It all comes down to basics with me. I have the ideas and the brain for it, but not the basic grounding in punctuation and grammar. I am studying all the time, so hopefully in a few more months and I'll get there.

If anyone knows of any writers who write good, short articles perhaps you could let me know.

[susabelle]

Thanks Susabelle.

Maybe I am trying to pack too much in to 250 word article.



This is exactly what you are doing. You have to pick ONE thing to stick to. You listed three things...you need to pick one and write a complete article on that topic. The next article can be the second thing. The third article can be the third thing.