philipop
03-12-2009, 06:12 PM
I recently wrote this short story and was wondering how i could make it better or what would be a suitable title? by the way it's the first in a series here it is:
Anna awoke at half past six like she did every morning and began to get ready for work. After washing she put on her make-up and did her hair. She decided to dry her hair and leave it down. Anna looked up at the clock.
Great, she thought, I’m doing well for time. Anna made her way downstairs to make some breakfast and sort out her handbag. Anna was a hairdresser at a big salon. She occasionally did manicures too. The salon was big and the walls were a beautiful light pink. The mirrors didn’t have a mark on them at all, each one was gleaming. Anna loved her job and she was very good at it. Anna looked at the clock again and realised she was running late. She quickly finished her toast put on her shoes and jacket and grabbed her bag before running out of the door.
Anna checked her watch, it was ten to eight. She began to panic, what would happen if she was late?
She noticed an old woman walking along the path like any other person but she got a shiver and felt kind of depressed.
The bus suddenly stopped and everyone jerked forward “Thank you” Anna said to the bus driver as she got off.
She began to walk the rest of the way to the salon but she got the feeling someone was watching her she quickly spun round and saw the old woman walking by on the other side of the road.
“Beware!” she shouted as she ran across the road.
“Oh my god! Watch out!” Anna shouted back before the bus hit the woman. Anna screamed and covered her eyes and when she forced herself to look there was a man walking towards her looking concerned.
“Are you okay? You look a bit scared” he said
“No I’m fine but what about her?” she pointed to where the old lady had been hit but no lady, no bus there was just a road. Anna frowned.
“They were just there! Right there!” she was shouting without realising it.
“Look calm down, where were you going?” The man asked
“um….to work, I have to go or else I’ll be late bye!” Then she ran away looking round every now and again.
She arrived at work with seconds to spare, she threw her jacket on the rack and walked over to reception to find her first customer of the day. She was a woman in her late twenties with long blonde hair that fell completely straight down to her knees.
“Could you cut most of it off then style it however you think is best, Thank you” she stood up and sat herself to a seat before Anna could even say hello. She quickly followed.
“Good morning, how are you today” Anna said with no expression thinking how stupid those dialogue cards were, the dialogue cards had set phrases on them which every employee was meant to use for every customer.
“Fine thank you and I’ll be better if you get this right” The woman replied sharply
“Ok, I’m Anna, you are….” She said waiting for an answer but when the woman didn’t reply she decided to just get on with her job.
An hour and a half later Anna was blow drying the woman’s hair and adding the final touches.
Anna had cut her hair shoulder length and layered it.
“Oh, I love it! Thank you!” The woman bounced her curls lightly and giggled
“Thank you, that’s really put me in a good mood!” She jumped out of the chair and hugged Anna.
“Your welcome but there’s no need to thank me it’s my job” The woman discretely gave Anna a ten pound note before grabbing her coat and bag then ran out of the salon.
“Well she seemed quite pleased!” The receptionist, Claire, said then she began to tell her about her next customer
“She’s called Tracy” Anna turned around to find Tracy and found herself staring out of the window. She saw the old woman, the woman that had been run over earlier.
“Oh my god!” Anna said before running out of the salon.
“Beware!” The old woman was screaming at her. Anna looked around and noticed that no-one seemed alarmed.
“What’s wrong?” She shouted back
“You are in danger, run! Run! RUN!” The woman seemed hysterical as she ran across the road. A bus came round the corner and headed for the old woman. Anna knew what was going to happen, she covered her eyes. She heard a scream. Then a skid. She lowered her hands and saw the same man as before coming towards her. She began to run. She ran for ages without stopping. When she eventually stopped she realised she was meant to be at work and her stuff was still there. She ran back but by the time she got there three of her customers had been seen and gone. She decided to go home and try to calm down. She signed out at reception claiming she was ill.
When she got home she quickly changed into her tracksuit bottoms and vest-top then put the television on. When the image appeared and the sound came on she saw the old woman. She was screaming. She was screaming at the girl across the road. The girl stood by the bus stop. A bus started from the bus stop. As it hit the old woman Anna changed the channel. It was the same thing on each channel. Every channel she put on was playing the same clip, the woman screaming, running then dead. Anna screamed then turned off the T.V. She sprinted into the bathroom and washed her face with freezing water to try to calm down. It didn’t work. She looked into the garden and saw the old woman.
“Watch the T.V; you must if you want to understand what’s going on!” She shouted
Anna slowly walked downstairs and turned the T.V on.
The picture appeared. The woman screamed, ran then the bus came. Anna covered her face.
“NO!” she heard someone shout. She moved her hands and saw the old woman sat on the other end of the sofa. Anna screamed and tried to run but the woman pointed to the door and it slammed shut making Anna jump and fall back onto the sofa.
“You must watch! Now!” The old woman changed the channel and it started again the screaming, the running and the screeching of the skid caused by the bus. Anna forced herself to watch it. The girl in the film was called Ann by what the old woman had said. She worked in a salon and saw the woman again outside her salon. Then she saw her in the garden then the living room in her house.
"Oh my god! Who are you?" She asked the old woman.
"Well i'm you, from a past life" She replied casually.
"What? That's....that's-"
"Crazy?" The old woman interrupted
"Yeah!" Annna said backing away towards the back door
"Don't go!" The woman begged Anna.
"No! Who are you?" Anna asked "What's your name?"
"Anna" The woman replied before saying "I guess i'd better tell you if you're not going to watch"
"Please!" Anna said, her voice shaking.
"Ok, well basically i'm your past life, the one you just left. I've come to warn you as another life warned me, it seems each of our lives has died by being stabbed on the 6th of May" She paused for a moment.
"So you're saying I should expect to be stabbed on the 6th of May.......wait isn't that tomorrow?" Anna thought out loud.
"Yes, that's why i've been following you" The woman replied.
"What about the bus...and....and...the guy!" Anna questioned as she sat back down.
"I'm not sure, maybe a consequence for me coming back?" Old Anna sat next to Anna.
Half an hour later Anna knew everything and was thanking Old Anna for coming back. As she disappeared Anna whispered another thanks.
The next morning Anna woke up at half past six and began her usual routine. When she was ready she headed to work but for some reason on the way she suddenly stopped as she was waiting for something. She heard a shriek. She started running. Another scream. Anna ran faster. As she turned the corner to where the screams were coming from someone grabbed her and pulled her into the alley. She tried to scream and break free but she couldn't. Suddenly there was a piercing, unbelievable pain in her chest. She looked down and saw blood. Old Anna was right, she had been stabbed on the 6th of May. Anna fell to the floor and everything went black.
Anna opened her eyes and saw she was surrounded by lots of women, one of them was Old Anna.
"I tried to warn you" She said.
"Am I dead?" Anna asked.
"I'm afraid so and now it's your job to break the curse you must find your next life and warn her of the curse, good luck" said another woman before they all disappeared.
So Anna had a job to do and she was determined to do it but she needed to find out so much more if she had any hope of finding her next life and breaking "The Curse".
Thanx :)
Anna awoke at half past six like she did every morning and began to get ready for work. After washing she put on her make-up and did her hair. She decided to dry her hair and leave it down. Anna looked up at the clock.
Great, she thought, I’m doing well for time. Anna made her way downstairs to make some breakfast and sort out her handbag. Anna was a hairdresser at a big salon. She occasionally did manicures too. The salon was big and the walls were a beautiful light pink. The mirrors didn’t have a mark on them at all, each one was gleaming. Anna loved her job and she was very good at it. Anna looked at the clock again and realised she was running late. She quickly finished her toast put on her shoes and jacket and grabbed her bag before running out of the door.
Anna checked her watch, it was ten to eight. She began to panic, what would happen if she was late?
She noticed an old woman walking along the path like any other person but she got a shiver and felt kind of depressed.
The bus suddenly stopped and everyone jerked forward “Thank you” Anna said to the bus driver as she got off.
She began to walk the rest of the way to the salon but she got the feeling someone was watching her she quickly spun round and saw the old woman walking by on the other side of the road.
“Beware!” she shouted as she ran across the road.
“Oh my god! Watch out!” Anna shouted back before the bus hit the woman. Anna screamed and covered her eyes and when she forced herself to look there was a man walking towards her looking concerned.
“Are you okay? You look a bit scared” he said
“No I’m fine but what about her?” she pointed to where the old lady had been hit but no lady, no bus there was just a road. Anna frowned.
“They were just there! Right there!” she was shouting without realising it.
“Look calm down, where were you going?” The man asked
“um….to work, I have to go or else I’ll be late bye!” Then she ran away looking round every now and again.
She arrived at work with seconds to spare, she threw her jacket on the rack and walked over to reception to find her first customer of the day. She was a woman in her late twenties with long blonde hair that fell completely straight down to her knees.
“Could you cut most of it off then style it however you think is best, Thank you” she stood up and sat herself to a seat before Anna could even say hello. She quickly followed.
“Good morning, how are you today” Anna said with no expression thinking how stupid those dialogue cards were, the dialogue cards had set phrases on them which every employee was meant to use for every customer.
“Fine thank you and I’ll be better if you get this right” The woman replied sharply
“Ok, I’m Anna, you are….” She said waiting for an answer but when the woman didn’t reply she decided to just get on with her job.
An hour and a half later Anna was blow drying the woman’s hair and adding the final touches.
Anna had cut her hair shoulder length and layered it.
“Oh, I love it! Thank you!” The woman bounced her curls lightly and giggled
“Thank you, that’s really put me in a good mood!” She jumped out of the chair and hugged Anna.
“Your welcome but there’s no need to thank me it’s my job” The woman discretely gave Anna a ten pound note before grabbing her coat and bag then ran out of the salon.
“Well she seemed quite pleased!” The receptionist, Claire, said then she began to tell her about her next customer
“She’s called Tracy” Anna turned around to find Tracy and found herself staring out of the window. She saw the old woman, the woman that had been run over earlier.
“Oh my god!” Anna said before running out of the salon.
“Beware!” The old woman was screaming at her. Anna looked around and noticed that no-one seemed alarmed.
“What’s wrong?” She shouted back
“You are in danger, run! Run! RUN!” The woman seemed hysterical as she ran across the road. A bus came round the corner and headed for the old woman. Anna knew what was going to happen, she covered her eyes. She heard a scream. Then a skid. She lowered her hands and saw the same man as before coming towards her. She began to run. She ran for ages without stopping. When she eventually stopped she realised she was meant to be at work and her stuff was still there. She ran back but by the time she got there three of her customers had been seen and gone. She decided to go home and try to calm down. She signed out at reception claiming she was ill.
When she got home she quickly changed into her tracksuit bottoms and vest-top then put the television on. When the image appeared and the sound came on she saw the old woman. She was screaming. She was screaming at the girl across the road. The girl stood by the bus stop. A bus started from the bus stop. As it hit the old woman Anna changed the channel. It was the same thing on each channel. Every channel she put on was playing the same clip, the woman screaming, running then dead. Anna screamed then turned off the T.V. She sprinted into the bathroom and washed her face with freezing water to try to calm down. It didn’t work. She looked into the garden and saw the old woman.
“Watch the T.V; you must if you want to understand what’s going on!” She shouted
Anna slowly walked downstairs and turned the T.V on.
The picture appeared. The woman screamed, ran then the bus came. Anna covered her face.
“NO!” she heard someone shout. She moved her hands and saw the old woman sat on the other end of the sofa. Anna screamed and tried to run but the woman pointed to the door and it slammed shut making Anna jump and fall back onto the sofa.
“You must watch! Now!” The old woman changed the channel and it started again the screaming, the running and the screeching of the skid caused by the bus. Anna forced herself to watch it. The girl in the film was called Ann by what the old woman had said. She worked in a salon and saw the woman again outside her salon. Then she saw her in the garden then the living room in her house.
"Oh my god! Who are you?" She asked the old woman.
"Well i'm you, from a past life" She replied casually.
"What? That's....that's-"
"Crazy?" The old woman interrupted
"Yeah!" Annna said backing away towards the back door
"Don't go!" The woman begged Anna.
"No! Who are you?" Anna asked "What's your name?"
"Anna" The woman replied before saying "I guess i'd better tell you if you're not going to watch"
"Please!" Anna said, her voice shaking.
"Ok, well basically i'm your past life, the one you just left. I've come to warn you as another life warned me, it seems each of our lives has died by being stabbed on the 6th of May" She paused for a moment.
"So you're saying I should expect to be stabbed on the 6th of May.......wait isn't that tomorrow?" Anna thought out loud.
"Yes, that's why i've been following you" The woman replied.
"What about the bus...and....and...the guy!" Anna questioned as she sat back down.
"I'm not sure, maybe a consequence for me coming back?" Old Anna sat next to Anna.
Half an hour later Anna knew everything and was thanking Old Anna for coming back. As she disappeared Anna whispered another thanks.
The next morning Anna woke up at half past six and began her usual routine. When she was ready she headed to work but for some reason on the way she suddenly stopped as she was waiting for something. She heard a shriek. She started running. Another scream. Anna ran faster. As she turned the corner to where the screams were coming from someone grabbed her and pulled her into the alley. She tried to scream and break free but she couldn't. Suddenly there was a piercing, unbelievable pain in her chest. She looked down and saw blood. Old Anna was right, she had been stabbed on the 6th of May. Anna fell to the floor and everything went black.
Anna opened her eyes and saw she was surrounded by lots of women, one of them was Old Anna.
"I tried to warn you" She said.
"Am I dead?" Anna asked.
"I'm afraid so and now it's your job to break the curse you must find your next life and warn her of the curse, good luck" said another woman before they all disappeared.
So Anna had a job to do and she was determined to do it but she needed to find out so much more if she had any hope of finding her next life and breaking "The Curse".
Thanx :)