My newest poem, opinions please

[foreveryoung]

"Young girl it's time to stand strong,
Don't give in, you'll prove them wrong.
You have the power to outwit them all,
With potency and dignity you'll never fall.

The time has come for you to go,
You've much to see and much to show.
If you stay here, you'll never learn
of everything in life that you'll earn.

There's a blazing fire in your heart,
It will guide you from the start.
Don't turn back, face your fear,
there's nothing left for you here."

And so I was gone withouth a trace,
There was sudden sadness on her face,
The girl she was referring to, you'll see,
The girl in the poem, that girl is me.

[vmlipio@gmail.com]

Hello!

The poem is inspiring. I'm not big on poem writing, I don't write poem myself, but I appreciate reading it. I just have one comment, I think you can do better with the last stanza. Since the flow of your poem rhymes, I think its better to make the last stanza rhyme too. Its just my two cents.

[DanielScocco]

Looks ok. Could be improved though.

I am not a good poet writer myself so take my advice with a grain of salt.

One thing that came to my mind, though, is that on poetry it is NOT necessary to make all the sentences rhyme. So don't try to force it.

[Lucia]

I think your poem was just fine. I have a frieend who writes all the time and she will sometimes write stuff like that. You sort of remind me of her.