Imaginified memories - some random passages i would like reviewed and 'cleaned'

[Ronald Burghermeister]

gggggggggggggggggggggg

[John Ireland]

Ronald, may I offer an amateur comment?

I see a tendency toward overly long sentences, making hard to identify the thought being conveyed. Use of paragraphs might also facilitate reader comprehension and enjoyment.

It might not be necessary to describe every sight, sound, and aroma in such excruciating detail. I gives the appearance you are writing primarily to entertain yourself. That's perfectly acceptable; however, if that is the case, you need no critique since it is only you who needs to be satisfied.