the likely lad
02-14-2009, 09:42 PM
hey all, i've recently started work on my first (what i intend to be) short novel to get started in writing and i'd really appreciate it if i could get opinions on the opening preface and paragraph. cheers!
Preface
Vacuum – “an absence of matter”, “a state of emptiness; a void” or “a state of being sealed off from external and environmental influences; isolation”.
Vacuum – a word commonly used, by myself, to describe the absence of purpose, meaningfulness or progression in all aspects of my life. The Vacuum commonly leads to feelings of short sighted desperation and the urge for some form of revolution in my life. The problem is, I have no time to break the vacuum, and as much as I resent and fear what it may make of me - I rely on it, while finding my only solace and comfort in it.
Vicious circle – “one trouble leads to another that aggravates the first”.
Vicious circle – By not having the courage to change something in my life dramatically, this initiative becomes more of an idea than a possibility, an idea destined to be consigned to the already cluttered vault of initiatives that became merely an ‘idea’. Thus my feelings of frustration are intensified even further, and I’m involuntarily pushed closer towards the cliff’s edge.
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Chapter 1
“You haven’t had such a good time since Christmas. I know it’s been hard”. This was the first genuinely sympathetic thing I’d heard in… well, a long time. I quickly worked out how long that was… just under three months. Three months of acknowledged pain, complete with due sympathy to go with it, a rare dash of colour in my monotone world. I considered trying to drag it out, to press her for specifics, but ultimately decided it would be obvious I was seeking some kind of ‘aw factor’ which has never been, nor ever will be a facet of our relationship. I look away from her, gulp, fix my eyes back on the webpage I had been perusing in the hope that she sees this as me hiding my face due to the accuracy of her simple but succinct analysis, before looking back at her. This seems like a nice compromise. I haven’t pursued further sympathy in a blatant fashion, while at the same time I haven’t brushed off her perception with stoicism or an ‘everything’s-just-dandy!’ smile. The look on her face suggests that my meticulously yet instantaneous strategy has done its job. Eyes slightly narrowed, head tilted slightly upwards. The slight external effect this has had on her I hoped would contrast with the internal feelings I had fermented. Predictably the conversation peters out with sharp in-draws of breath and “hmm”’s on her part, stony silence and a poker face on mine, as always.
Preface
Vacuum – “an absence of matter”, “a state of emptiness; a void” or “a state of being sealed off from external and environmental influences; isolation”.
Vacuum – a word commonly used, by myself, to describe the absence of purpose, meaningfulness or progression in all aspects of my life. The Vacuum commonly leads to feelings of short sighted desperation and the urge for some form of revolution in my life. The problem is, I have no time to break the vacuum, and as much as I resent and fear what it may make of me - I rely on it, while finding my only solace and comfort in it.
Vicious circle – “one trouble leads to another that aggravates the first”.
Vicious circle – By not having the courage to change something in my life dramatically, this initiative becomes more of an idea than a possibility, an idea destined to be consigned to the already cluttered vault of initiatives that became merely an ‘idea’. Thus my feelings of frustration are intensified even further, and I’m involuntarily pushed closer towards the cliff’s edge.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1
“You haven’t had such a good time since Christmas. I know it’s been hard”. This was the first genuinely sympathetic thing I’d heard in… well, a long time. I quickly worked out how long that was… just under three months. Three months of acknowledged pain, complete with due sympathy to go with it, a rare dash of colour in my monotone world. I considered trying to drag it out, to press her for specifics, but ultimately decided it would be obvious I was seeking some kind of ‘aw factor’ which has never been, nor ever will be a facet of our relationship. I look away from her, gulp, fix my eyes back on the webpage I had been perusing in the hope that she sees this as me hiding my face due to the accuracy of her simple but succinct analysis, before looking back at her. This seems like a nice compromise. I haven’t pursued further sympathy in a blatant fashion, while at the same time I haven’t brushed off her perception with stoicism or an ‘everything’s-just-dandy!’ smile. The look on her face suggests that my meticulously yet instantaneous strategy has done its job. Eyes slightly narrowed, head tilted slightly upwards. The slight external effect this has had on her I hoped would contrast with the internal feelings I had fermented. Predictably the conversation peters out with sharp in-draws of breath and “hmm”’s on her part, stony silence and a poker face on mine, as always.