Beginning of my story

[Hay Hay]

I have re-wrote this a couple of times...I'm done the chapter but I think I have this part done. Any sugestions or comments would be appreciated

The cool, crisp wind is blowing with never ending waves, swiftly all around me. It causes my brown curls to block my vision from seeing his expression. He turns to me and slowly raises his hand to my face. His hand feels warm like the morning sun when he brushes my hair out of the way. "Your green eyes always find a way to captivate me," he says in a soft, smooth voice. I believe the birds that sing their morning songs should be jealous of his voice. It always seems to find a way to calm me.
"Everything about you captivates me." I look over his features enticed by how much his crystal blue eyes stand out. They would stand out all on their own, but he has short, dark hair and tan skin that make them that much more prominent. His skin seems completely flawless to my eyes, and his hair is the color of a shiny, black raven.
His face starts to light up. This smile he has is so radiant. I should get sunglasses before it blinds me. I start to feel my knees getting weak, but I straighten myself up. I am more aware of the effect he has on me now, than I was before. He moves his hand slowly down my jaw bone to the bottom of my chin. Then as smoothly as he had spoken, he lifts my chin up and kisses me softly.
I close my eyes, taking in every second of the kiss. I breathe in the damp smell of autumn leaves as my muscles relax, and my body moves into the kiss thirsty for more. My fingers start to run through his hair as he wraps his arms around my waist. Then, there is a stronger sensation that flows down my spine. I can smell the aroma of his cologne. Oh, how sweet it is. His lips presses closer to mine, and then he pulls away.

[Hay Hay]

I have altered this section, and the rest of the chapter has been edited. :)

[Mike Tyro]

Hello Hay Hay.. I'm sure you know there are a hundred ways to write anything. I sometimes think it's a mistake to keep re-reading what we've written.. I've done it often enough myself, pausing to question if I've used the right word, or do I need another word, is there a better word? Will people understand what I'm trying to convey? etc.

I tend to opt for clarity, but that might just be me. I don't like to use too many adjectives, if possible.. 'cool, crisp wind, never ending waves, swiftly all around me..' You could as easily say the same thing with fewer words.. 'It was November and the wind was cold...' But it all comes down to the style of writing we each prefer and try to aim for.... so my opinion might be totally irrelevant. :)

[TokeBernbole]

This is well written, I like the adjectives, though I agree over use can be bad, I feel your use of them is good for setting the scene. Perhaps you could cut back on a few, such as when you say completely flawless, where just flawless is probably descriptive enough. I think it's redundancy that you want to avoid. Good visualisation doesn't hurt IMO. I suppose in some context, you can overdescribe things that have no relevance, but that isn't the case here.

One other note

"The cool, crisp wind is blowing with never ending waves"

I think it would sound better if you replaced the word with, with IN

"The cool, crisp wind is blowing in never ending waves"

Keep up the good work!

[VefeStoople]

Lol, as the topic states, Meova said she could imagine Artymon and I ina fluffy romance, and so, therefore, I thought "What the heck" and now were startign it.

Artymon and I will write the story, buit by bit, and so on..

Artymon, would you like to start?