opinions, please.

[foreveryoung]

I'm sixteen years old, and I attend high so please don't critique me as if I was an English major! I try my hardest, and put forth my best effort. I would really appreciate your feedback though!

PREFACE TO MY NOVEL
If Autumn Grace was a book, there is no doubt that she’d be a fiction novel. She’d be uncommon and hard to find. She’d be falling apart the seams; her cover would be tattered and torn but beautiful. Open her up and you’d be stunned, there wouldn’t be a single flaw, everything would be just right. If Aidan Matthews was a book, there is no doubt he’d be an autobiography. He’d be descriptive and precise. His cover would be just the opposite, it’d be unspoiled, and everything would be held together quite perfectly. Open him up and you’d see his faults, you’d also see his triumph over them. But if you were to flip to the very end of both books, you’d realize that their stories became one, and this is how it all began.

“If I had any logic, any reasoning at all, I would have stayed away, not fallen for him, but of course I didn’t and of course I’m in the situation I knew I’d be in. There aren’t enough words to sum up my passion, my feeling for him, but you wouldn’t understand that. You would never understand unless you’ve been in the same situation. A situation forcing you to continue living the life you lived for as long as you can remember or leave everything you know behind and make your own life with the one you love. A decision heart retching to say the least, and that is what I was faced with. Either way--I knew what I wanted, and if I hadn’t gone for it I’d regret it every single day of my life. So, as the story unfolds from the beginning, maybe…just maybe you’ll understand why I made the choice I did.” Autumn reread the words off her notebook again and again, each time with more distress then the previous.

[vmlipio@gmail.com]

hello there sixteen! Is this a school thingy or just a personal writing exercise? You Got talent. I think You would make a good short novel. I don't find anything wrong with it. I think its something different as far as the epic of the love story goes. I love to read more of it, if you'll post.

Keep it up! I think its a great practice for you to become a novel writer.

[Vivid_Dreamer]

PREFACE TO MY NOVEL
If Autumn Grace was a book, there is no doubt that she’d be a fiction novel. She’d be uncommon and hard to find. She’d be falling apart the seams; her cover would be tattered and torn but beautiful. Open her up and you’d be stunned, there wouldn’t be a single flaw, everything would be just right. If Aidan Matthews was a book, there is no doubt he’d be an autobiography. He’d be descriptive and precise. His cover would be just the opposite, it’d be unspoiled, and everything would be held together quite perfectly. Open him up and you’d see his faults, you’d also see his triumph over them. But if you were to flip to the very end of both books, you’d realize that their stories became one, and this is how it all began.

I like your second paragraph, below, as your opener. I'd discard the first one above as the 'novel' metaphor you're going with is too convoluted to follow. The first line of the paragraph below is an excellent opening line for a novel and I'd definitely read in if this were a beginning to a Chapter One.


“If I had any logic, any reasoning at all, I would have stayed away, not fallen for him, but of course I didn’t and of course I’m in the situation I knew I’d be in. There aren’t enough words to sum up my passion, my feeling for him, but you wouldn’t understand that. You would never understand unless you’ve been in the same situation. A situation forcing you to continue living the life you lived for as long as you can remember or leave everything you know behind and make your own life with the one you love. A decision heart retching to say the least, and that is what I was faced with. Either way--I knew what I wanted, and if I hadn’t gone for it I’d regret it every single day of my life. So, as the story unfolds from the beginning, maybe…just maybe you’ll understand why I made the choice I did.” Autumn reread the words off her notebook again and again, each time with more distress then the previous.

This second one is nicely done. I'd ditch the first one. You can introduce Autumn Grace within the narrative of your first couple of chapters, with a little sprinkling of backstory here and there - as it relates to how the plot unfolds. Describing a person in the manner you've done in your first paragraph above, though creative, is what those in the publishing biz call an 'infodump.' Your second paragraph is terrific because you introduce the reader to the conflict and emotional tension in your novel right away, forcing the reader to wonder what's causing the anguish. This is called a 'Hook,' and it is what draws the reader into your story. Suggestion: Eliminate the first paragraph and go with the second, as it's spectacular.

best,

JKC

[DanielScocco]

I like your analogy with a book on the beginning.

One thing I think you could do to improve the flow, though, is to break sentences more often.

This one for example:

"If I had any logic, any reasoning at all, I would have stayed away, not fallen for him, but of course I didn’t and of course I’m in the situation I knew I’d be in"

You could put a period to separate the two clauses.

[Childatheart]

I loved your analogy with the novel at the beginning. Very fresh and unique! Keep at it! And I know you're only 16, but be willing to receive criticism, it will help you grow. You are good though!