Comments on: Dealing with “he said” and “she said” http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:06:58 +0000 hourly 1 By: Maddie http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/comment-page-1/#comment-388581 Maddie Sun, 26 Jun 2011 19:16:54 +0000 http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/#comment-388581 No offence, but I thought your first two examples sounded more fluid before you edited them. Also I quiet like vocabulary instead of this simple "he said; she said" business. I thing it takes away from the emotion. ex. Josh smiled at Tony, "That's a great idea Tony." vs. "That's a great idea Tony." mocked Josh as he smiled at Tony. In the first it seems as though Josh likes the idea, but in the second it shows that Josh actually being sarcastic . No offence, but I thought your first two examples sounded more fluid before you edited them. Also I quiet like vocabulary instead of this simple “he said; she said” business. I thing it takes away from the emotion.

ex.
Josh smiled at Tony, “That’s a great idea Tony.”

vs.

“That’s a great idea Tony.” mocked Josh as he smiled at Tony.

In the first it seems as though Josh likes the idea, but in the second it shows that Josh actually being sarcastic .

]]> By: elizabeth http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/comment-page-1/#comment-191744 elizabeth Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:57:26 +0000 http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/#comment-191744 Nicely 'said', lol. I thought all of the revisions were dead on with the following exception; “We’ve found the murder weapon, Sir,” the policeman said, holding out what he was carrying on a towel. You changed it to this, (“We’ve found the murder weapon, Sir.” The officer was carrying something on a towel.) which I found awkward. To me, the flow would be better preserved if you kept closer to the original. I would suggest this - “We’ve found the murder weapon, Sir.” The officer held out an object that was loosely wrapped in a towel. Nicely ‘said’, lol.

I thought all of the revisions were dead on with the following exception;

“We’ve found the murder weapon, Sir,” the policeman said, holding out what he was carrying on a towel.

You changed it to this, (“We’ve found the murder weapon, Sir.” The officer was carrying something on a towel.) which I found awkward.

To me, the flow would be better preserved if you kept closer to the original. I would suggest this – “We’ve found the murder weapon, Sir.” The officer held out an object that was loosely wrapped in a towel.

]]> By: Toke Bernbole http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/comment-page-1/#comment-94874 Toke Bernbole Wed, 11 Mar 2009 10:59:06 +0000 http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/#comment-94874 Hey thanks a lot for this and a lot of other stuff I have come across on here. I found I was adding the extra he/she said followed by the characters actions. Just taking out the said made it flow much nicer. Thinking of books I have read; I can remember at times being confused by dialogue and greatly fear the same in my work. Hey thanks a lot for this and a lot of other stuff I have come across on here. I found I was adding the extra he/she said followed by the characters actions. Just taking out the said made it flow much nicer. Thinking of books I have read; I can remember at times being confused by dialogue and greatly fear the same in my work.

]]> By: July 2007 « M. J. Maddox http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/comment-page-1/#comment-37824 July 2007 « M. J. Maddox Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:44:42 +0000 http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/#comment-37824 [...] Down the Hatches * 16: Less/Fewer; Number/Amount: Still Salvageable * 14: Where and Whence * 12: Dealing with “he said” and “she said” * 11: Five Frequently Misused Verbs: Go, Come, Write, Give, and Eat * 10: Loose or Lose? * 09: [...] [...] Down the Hatches * 16: Less/Fewer; Number/Amount: Still Salvageable * 14: Where and Whence * 12: Dealing with “he said” and “she said” * 11: Five Frequently Misused Verbs: Go, Come, Write, Give, and Eat * 10: Loose or Lose? * 09: [...]

]]> By: Maeve http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/comment-page-1/#comment-28335 Maeve Sun, 03 Aug 2008 13:01:35 +0000 http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dealing-with-he-said-and-she-said/#comment-28335 Jonathan, Glad you found this helpful. Browse the DWT archives for other articles that may be of use. You may want to look in on the DWT Forum and exchange ideas with other budding novelists on a regular basis. btw - "is there any other tips you can give me?" Beware of "there is" and "there are" constructions. They signal a delayed subject so be sure the "is" or the "are" agrees with the subject. In your sentence the subject is "tips" so the verb must be plural. "Are there any other tips you can give me?" I'll look for you in the Forum.:-) Jonathan,
Glad you found this helpful. Browse the DWT archives for other articles that may be of use.

You may want to look in on the DWT Forum and exchange ideas with other budding novelists on a regular basis.

btw – “is there any other tips you can give me?” Beware of “there is” and “there are” constructions. They signal a delayed subject so be sure the “is” or the “are” agrees with the subject. In your sentence the subject is “tips” so the verb must be plural. “Are there any other tips you can give me?”

I’ll look for you in the Forum.:-)

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